There are many times I am proud to be a mom, many times I am frightened, and many times that I feel I just fail at the whole motherhood thing.
I am afraid of: failing my kids, failing my husband, getting in a car accident, people, drowning, birds attacking, and appliances I never used before.
Luckily, time softens the judgment I place on myself and uplifts the happy moments.
This is about that a time I knew I just failed my kid and I don't want to forget it.
The school's talent show is coming up and he asked if he could audition. After reading the permission slip to enter the audition process I asked him if he was prepared to do his best and practice. He said yes and he wanted to sing for it.
He has a sweet voice, a confident voice. No, he is not trained and no, I don't think American Idol is calling but he did get to sing a solo in music class.
My little man sees the world in black and white. There is wrong and right and there are rules.
He is not perfect and he gets into his fair share of trouble but when it comes to doing something, he has to do it the way it was intended.
Like when he had to read fifteen books in a month for a class project. The prize was to be allowed to participate in a pizza party. C-man was one book shy of the goal and I offered to sign off on it, if he promised to read it when we came home.
He said no, it would be a lie.
That is one example of many.
I asked my sweet, little man what he had in mind to sing and if he would sing it for me. He started to sing Let It Go from Frozen.
My heart sunk a little. We are having an About a Boy moment.
You know that moment in the movie (or TV version) were the kid sings that uber uncool song but his uber cool friend saves the day.
My son loves Frozen. He knows the movie, he knows the songs, and he loves to sing Let it Go. Every little girl auditioning will be singing that song. Do I tell him no since his choice will be popular with the girls and uncool for the boys?
I listened as he sung it and when he got to the point where she sings about being a queen, I stopped him and suggested he change the pronouns and sing king instead of queen.
His face fell. He wants to sing it the way it was written.
He no longer wanted to try-out.
I am all for letting the kids make potentially embarrassing mistakes in the hopes of them becoming better, stronger individuals but his dad does not play an instrument and I just want him to make a few words masculine.
I even went on Youtube and found a ton of examples of guys singing the song and even a mash-up of Let It Go and another favorite of his, Let Her Go.
He was not as impressed as I was and he had given up.
I know I could have let it go and not said anything.
It's not his fault that he could be treated unkindly by his peers. And, it is not his fault that I fear that he will be made fun of because he sings the words Anna sings. He is not uncomfortable and he sings the song well enough. Who knows if he even gets past the audition?
I signed the permission slip and told him he could sing it or not. I don't know what he will do but he did mention singing Do You Want to Build a Snowman instead...
Mama Kat's Writing Prompts: 1.) List your top 6 biggest fears, choose one and tell us why. and 2.) Whose fault was it?