There was a time in my life that I didn't think of myself as a Feminist.
It was my mother's fault. She made feminism seem negative. Men wouldn't want me. I'd never get married. "Keep your head down," she told me. "Lose weight," my dad told me.
I tried college, it wasn't for me. I had been working in nightclubs and restaurants since I was nineteen. I was too busy living life to think of joining the Feminist movement. Besides, I didn't feel the need to get involved. When I had no insurance - I had Planned Parenthood for ob-gyn visits and birth control access. When I got knocked up by an abusive boyfriend, I went to a facility to take care of it.
My life plan didn't include marriage or kids. I thought I put it behind me. Funny how life has a way of deciding that for you.
I've liked the jobs I've had and never thought that not having a degree held me back. I wanted a position that allowed me to go home to my kids and leave it all at the office. I have that and I am grateful.
Still, I felt secure.
I don't feel so secure now.
I feel guilty and scared.
Guilty because I was living in a bubble where I thought the America I love was not as divided as it is. I am ashamed of thinking this way. I wasn't naive to say that there wasn't a divide. Just didn't think it went so deep.
I never knew that there was racism in feminism until researching a piece about Feminist Bloggers for Beyond Bylines. I was flabbergasted. I didn't think you could be both. Again, my bubble burst.
I'm scared for my mixed family. I'm scared for my husband, all the time. I'm scared for my kids and their future. I'm scared because I have depression and an Autistic kid. What will happen to insurance coverage if we ever have to switch companies? What will happen if my birth control is no longer covered?
I'm scared for my daughter and all the daughters.
She loves pink, science, math, art, and dance. She's learning to stand up for herself and to win with grace. She's my heartbeat and #whyimarch. I want a better world for her. ❤ #365omj #365sofab #wcw #whywemarch #daughter #busymom #capturedmoments #instakids #kidsofinstagram #mixedkids #feminist #clevelandkids
I'm going D.C. this weekend.
I want to bring my kids, but I just don't think I can do it. I will Facetime with them and share photos with them so they can see that I want their world to be better. I'll share them with you, too.