Finding a Reason to Smile

I really try not to wish away time but this week has gone by so slow that I am begging to be released.

Last week I had items to check off a list and a purpose, this week I am trying not to fall apart.  I am desperately trying to go back to a routine and feel apart of the world again but I am weary.  If I could go to bed for a week, and not be missed or bothered, I would be in bliss.

As it is, I can't.  As much as I would like the world to stop, it won't.

I am actively trying to find moments of pure pleasure, reasons to smile.  Moments that remind me that it is okay to be happy again.

One such moment came at work when I was greeted with cards of comfort and desk comfort food.  There were also a couple bottles of wine and the thought did occur to me that I could crawl under my desk and no one would notice me drinking it.

Of course, I came to my senses and refilled my flask from the whiskey I keep in my desk, 'cause I am a lady after all.

I am so very blessed and I laugh every moment I can with my sweet (and crazy) little ones. I am grateful for a husband who puts up with my crazy and we are managing this new path in life together but for now, my smiles are bitter sweet.

It is really not that hard to find moments to smile with my family but feeling okay about it is what will take time.  I refuse to let them see that I am unhappy all of the time, this will pass. I let them see moments but just as they need to see me happy they need to see me sad, too.

Searching for our next normal will be an adventure.  Finding a reason to smile, a mission that I will happily take on.