"I want a mommy" is one of the top search terms used to find my blog. "Bandaid toes" is another search term which I would absolutely expect to find after someone searches for a mommy online.
The absurd thing is, I don't consider myself a "mommy."Yes, I know that I am and embrace it wholeheartedly, but when I hear "mommy" I immediately think of my first few (naive) months as a new mom or worse, mommy blogger. Just because I am a mom and I blog does not mean that all I blog about is being a mom. I prefer parenting influencer. I write about my family and what we do.
Mommy, to me seems young and I am so not young. I was not a young mom, in fact I am probably one of the last of my friends to procreate. Also, my kids have never really called me mommy, at least not for very long and now only when scared or hurt. They call me momma, mom, and even m-o-t-h-e-r, but not really mommy.
Ever since my mom died in February, I've been thinking about my role as a parent.
Her death was not necessarily a surprise but it was all the same. Every time she went to the emergency room or was admitted to hospital I prepared myself for the inevitable. As fate would have it, she was admitted one last time to make her comfortable, not to save her.
My mom was a complex woman and she inspired me to be the kind of woman and mom I am by her actions. I knew I was not going to be my mother's daughter. She was kind and giving, and that is the person I strive to be but, she showed me what I did not want to do as a mom, too, and this was a much bigger influence in my life.
I want to be that mommy (okay, mom) that someone is searching the web to find.I want to be the kind of mom who does not turn a blind eye to the sibling that hits harder than any other sibling. I want to be the kind of mom who teaches their children to come to each other's aid when they are being bullied and not join in on the teasing of their sibling. I want to be the kind of mom to help her child to overcome their temper, not be the mom to defend their child's cruel behavior. Then again I would hope that I will raise my children to not be cruel or abusive to each other, or me, in the first place.
I don't want to be the kind of mother who manipulates her kids by pointing out all the things I wish they would do and not celebrate all the things they have done. I don't want to be the mom who fosters negativity and anger to get attention. I will always praise my children to each other and never complain about their shortcomings. I also don't want to be a burden on my family, ever. Kids, it's okay to put me in a home.
I want my kids to love each other but also like each other. I promise to do what I can to create as many happy memories of them together so they can bank them for when they are older and will need each other. And, kids, you will need each other. I promise you will need each other - so don't be asseholes to each other. Okay?
What kind of mommy do you want to be?
Thank you Laura, from Thrifty in Pittsburgh, for this prompt in our tribe's writing challenge.