I am not a morning person. I never was and it is even worse now that I am a mom of two kids. I have to wake up when the kids do and usually before they do. This was not the case when I was a mom of one. I had no idea how unprepared I was for two.
I once cherished the morning hours, the raw sunlight, the beautiful silence and the slow easy way to wake up. And by wake up, I mean I was probably already awake from the night before and I was actually going to bed. Or, I was off to brunch with friends.
Working in bars and restaurants had led me to a nocturnal way of life. Sleep till ten, work at eleven and home by 3:00 AM. I worked two jobs and wanted a social life. Morning was for sleeping.
Even after having my oldest, I was still not a morning person. I had a proper day job which forced me to be up but my son was a pretty good sleeper so he was not getting me up much past his first his year. When I was laid off, I went back to work at a restaurant and got back in the lazy morning mode.
Of course working in a restaurant with a child is not ideal when denied for health care. According to the guidelines I qualified, but due to a crappy case worker who did not like me I got denied. That is not an exaggeration. WIC, yes, Healthy Child, hell no. I started applying for a good day job with benefits and was back in the nine to five grind six months later.
Don’t get me wrong. I l-o-v-e my job, love my boss and thankful for the employment but I miss mornings doing nothing. Now I struggle to get out of bed. I just want to stay in the warm comfort of my blanket.
It was when my baby girl was born when I truly learned what it was like to be a mom, a parent and without sleep, without mornings. I never cried about loss of sleep before but not only was I yearning for sleep, I was really crying due to the lack of sleep I was (or wasn't?) getting and it was the worse time for me.
Baby girl is now three and sleeping through the night is still hit or miss. When she sleeps, it is heaven, when she sleeps in her bed – nirvana.
I started waking in the middle of the night her second year. It was and is the only time I get to be alone. It is when I started taking blogging seriously and it is when I could catch up on TV show. I also spent an ungodly amount of time playing Angry Birds and Words with Friends. This was my time.
I did not feel like I was a mom until I had two kids. One kid is in no way a preparation for having two and I think I knew that way down deep and never truly felt like a parent but just a mom and a kid hanging out.
When moms of one complain I just look at them and wonder why. There are moments when I wish it was just the three of us again. I would not have it any other way, I adore my little girl, but there are moments when Baby Girl is at her worst that I imagine what life would have been like with just one child.
Of course I berate myself all night and into the wee hours of the morning but it is also mixed with the sounds of her night terrors slash temper tantrum, depending on the night.
Would I change it? No, absolutely not.
Am I a morning person or night owl? Yes.