Change is inevitable. Change can suck ass. Change can be beautiful. Change is the only constant.
If I could change only one thing about myself I would change my motivation, specifically my lack of motivation. Weird thing to change, I know, but I can be the most unmotivated person. I can pin point several reasons but they just sound like excuses. For instance, I have panic attacks. Weirdly it is what also motivates me to leave my home as well as get me out of my safety zone.
My panic attacks will keep me in my bed. They make it so I can’t breathe or think. They keep me from living a life I want to live and for that reason alone it forces me to work through them and join the world; not taking the easy way out.
My sense of panic does not motivate me to change the unhealthy habits I have fallen into this past year unfortunately. I just can’t seem to drag myself out of bed to work out and mornings really is the only time that I can. My bed is so warm and lovely. I also never seem to get enough sleep and those few precious moments before I have to make lunches and help the kids (and myself) get ready to leave seem so priceless. Of course, being there for the kids as they get older would be more precious.
I could also be called a procrastinator. Putting things off until there is more time but there never is more time.
My tight jeans should be a motivator as well as the tightness of my shirt but alas that is not doing much to get me to the gym. Neither are the cringe worthy pictures the kids take when I am not prepared with my practiced pose.
I don’t consider myself lazy. We are out and about every chance I get, the kids have their activates, I volunteer and I have a job. It’s just when it comes to me that I struggle. I use to do yoga and pilates but now my physical activities have been sitting on a balance ball at work.
Writing this is a motivator. How could it not when I am admitting to my little corner of the web that I am fat and unmotivated.
So here it is.
I am not just wishing to change this about me I am committing to change this bit about me.