Marriage is hard. It is not always fun, all though there are a lot of funny moments, and it is difficult to make another person happy, especially, when you have two little ones and a full time job. It is doable if two people want to put in the work but, it is work. Marriage is a lot harder then anyone said it would be and no one said it would be easy.
So I wonder, why get married?
Okay, I don't really wonder that, but I have been asked the question, "why did you get married" or my favorite, "how did you know he was the one." Now that some time has passed since I said, "I do" I feel the reasons have evolved. It was so simple when he asked and now - kids, a house and bills, it would be financially irresponsible to ever want to part. Oh, and of course, I love him.
We have have changed over the years and (hopefully) grown as human beings but after the honeymoon period, I have seen behind the curtain and I still stay... It must be because I love him and probably because he can make me laugh and who knew he could cook?
I've been to three weddings and two funerals this past summer and I can't help but reflect on life and marriage - how I got to where we are, where we are going and what will happen to the kids as they grow. My first grader all ready told me he was never leaving us but then decided that when he gets married he is moving into the apartment building across the street from our house. I would love to be a fly on the wall for that conversation.
But... Back to my questions on life and marriage. Why get married? Why stay married? And, is it realistic to expect two, sane adults to spend the rest of their lives together in this world of instant gratification? Is it reasonable to expect monogamy? Is discreet infidelity necessary to make a happy marriage?
The two funerals that I attended where for two men, who had out lived their respective spouses by five years. They were both grandfathers and great grand fathers. They were probably, great great grandfathers, too, and their marriages survived till death. That is a lot of years in between saying I do and saying good bye one last time and I wonder what challenges they experienced in their career as a spouse.
My grandparents, my mom's parents, lived as man and wife for over 25 years. There seems to be more examples of marriages staying together in my family then there are divorces so you would think that I would not wonder if marriages last but wonder how they fall apart instead. One piece of advice that seems to stick in the recesses of my mind is - You may not always like your husband but you will always love him. Maybe that is how they did it? Or, was there someone on the side?
Today, it is so easy to get bored, give in, give up, and move on... I wonder - why bother in the first place? Unless you are willing to do it for the long haul... why waste every body's time? Or... what
changes that spouses can no longer provide for you?
I admit it. I like to look and even flirt but there has to be a line somewhere. Shouldn't there be a line? Do spouses look outside their marriages to save them? Does that even make sense? And wouldn't it make more sense to include the spouse in your fling if you are trying to save your marriage?
Cheating is not a new concept but the means to meet your “piece of ass on the side” is newer. Want to have a fling with another married man or woman? There is a website for that, probably an app, too. Get bored? Post something on Craigslist or a shout out on Facebook. Cheat in a tweet? Everybody has their own cell phones and emails - no need to work on cheating, half the battle is/was keeping encounters secret and all ways to do so are now guarded with secret passwords. It is easier to meet someone new then it is to work on a marriage. So why get married if everyone is going to stray?
Looking at the pictures from the weddings I attended, I see in their faces why we get married. There is so much love and hope as they look deep into each others eyes and you just know that their marriage will last. Their marriage will defy the odds. They will look back at a long lifetime of memories.
Why did I get married? I don't remember but I know why I stay married... there is no one else I would rather wake up with then him.