Home was never really a place for me but a feeling.
A feeling of safety... security. A place that I felt wanted and needed.
When the Husband would first come home from work after our son was born he would walk in the door and say, "Hello, family." That was our home. That feeling that he gave me every time he said those words. I felt safe. I felt wanted.
I have never felt a need to own a home. In fact, I believe that not everyone should own a home. I am not a fan of home improvement and because of that - the idea of owning a home sends me in to a state of panic. It is a commitment. It is forever. It is home ownership.
It is a little weird that I feel this way about a house but not about marriage, then again, I did that backwards, too.
My home for the last six years has been wherever my husband, my son and now my baby girl is... Until, the other day and I walked through a house I could see owning. It is nothing that I expected.
That ache to have a place that we will always be ours and we would not have to move every so many years. The ache to have roots and to be a part of something that is ours and ours alone.
It is hard to believe that I am typing these words because I have been so against home ownership. The thought of replacing a roof, a furnace or a hot water tank scare me more then, well, getting married and I think I covered that all ready.
I think I am mentally ready to take the leap but... not just quite, yet. Soon. Definitely soon. So, if you are a realtor please don't contact me - just yet...