I thought teaching PSR again would bring me closer but it has not. I want to be part of the Church but the more I reacquaint myself with some of the teachings I struggle even more. The Church is so unforgiving but I was oblivious to it growing up and I am learning that I had it all wrong... or I am just wrong now. I always had a feeling that the Church accepted all and forgave all but now...
CatholicComeHome.org has a top 10 list of reasons to... well... "come home" and they are all the reasons I love the Church and want to be part of the Church but then there are are all the points (actually highlighted on the website) that I just find wrong, deep in my heart. Things that I have prayed upon and have affected me personally. I don't think gay marriage should be wrong, I am pro-choice, I would like to see a woman become a priest and I use contraception. I am not a good Catholic. But... when I attend Mass I feel at peace.
I love the universal community and I feel welcomed in my Church. It is only when I dive deeper into the "rules" that I am uneasy. I know that scripture "supports" these beliefs but the bible also supports slavery (Exodus 21) and women should not be in a position of authority (1 Corinthians 14). Never mind the numerous accounts of women and daughters being subjected to their father's and husband's demands, but in our modern world, they do not have the same interpretation. The Bible was written by man, inspired by God. So... how could they not inject their own personal views into the material?
The answer? Continue to go to Church and pray for the best. I do not share my personal beliefs with the children. I teach but teach exactly what I was taught and I still turned out to feel the way I do. I pray that some of these policies will change because they need to change. Until they do... I will still be Catholic and I will still struggle to get to Church.